A Loyal Coward
by Yume-no-Ryuusei
Summary: "The difference between the courageous and the cowardice is the will to face your fears." In the end, Fighter realized she had become the one thing she hated most, a coward.


A/N: I'm not really sure where this came from. Just a collection of some of the things I've been feeling lately, I suppose.

Seiya's P.O.V

How do you tell someone that you still love them? Even after all of this time, deep down you know you do. You can't. You shouldn't. But, you still do...

How do you tell them you love them if they think you do not any longer? Do you tell them? They love you..and you watch them hurt every day because of it.

I love her still...but I am not with her. I am with someone else now. I love that someone very much, she deserves all of my love. My feelings..they cannot be spoken. Too many hearts would break.

I know it would break me to say it out loud. As long as I keep it inside, I can still deny it. I can still say that I am over her, though I know it to be false.

And if my current lover heard of this? She would shatter to millions of pieces, and it would be my fault. She would shatter the way I have countless times, but she was there to put the pieces back together..

I wonder..if she shattered..would I be capable of putting her together?

I'd like to think so, but then again, this is another one of those things I like to lie to myself about.

I think..I just don't have enough of me to give her to make her whole again if she were to break.

And so I shall not let her break. Under any circumstance.

But what of my first love? I watch as she torments herself every single day over her love for me, which she believes to be unrequited. I wish I could tell her I love her back, that it'll be okay, she just has to have faith.

Shinjite.

Believe.

That someday, amidst it all, she will find someone. Someone who will love her, perhaps more than I am capable of. For I have someone else. And I am happy.

I do not know what is wrong with me. Is it possible to be in love with two people? Oh how easy things would be if we could all just ...love each other.

But this isn't a utopian society. In order to find happiness, you must give up something in return.

It is this sorrow I have come to know and understand. I wish I could teach her this lesson, but then she'd never really learn it. She has to figure it out on her own, and so I watch from a distance as her heart breaks.

I am the cause.

I am the reason for her tears, for her pain.

I hug her, in a friendly way, telling her it'll all be alright. I hope so..

No matter how much I wish I could tell her, "I love you, and for the longest time you had my heart. But..I love her more. I need her, she needs me. I know I cannot live without her. I am sorry, but know that I do care, that I do love you."

But I cannot.

For if I do, three hearts will break.

As I walk away from my sobbing comrade, I feel as if I am walking towards my death.

She must think I don't care. That I am a cold, cruel leader who doesn't care about her heart. That's not true. I do care. I care so much, it eats away at me all day. In the night, I can hardly sleep. I tell my lover that it's just bad memories from when our home fell, and she embraces me tightly. If only she knew how much lonelier this small action made me feel.

I want to tell her. I've never hid anything from her. But I cannot.

They say if you wish upon a shooting star, your wish will come true. What happens when you wish upon the source of all your problems, though?

I hope this passes. I hope she gets over me. I don't want this to continue on. I cannot stand to see her suffer.

Her lilac eyes brim over with tears, and guilt nags at my heart.

Her solemn, deep voice cracks with pain and emotion, and I want to reach out to her...but I mustn't.

My loyalty to my lover is too great; I cannot touch her. I cannot hold her, kiss her gently, tell her that I love her too. No good would come of it.

Some day, I hope she realizes how hard this time was for me. I hope she realizes my distance from her was out of love, and perhaps my own cowardice.

I just can't stand to see her cry.

What does that make me?

A loyal coward. Very useful indeed.

In the end, I have failed them both. I have failed as a leader to keep the team unified, my own self being the cause of our division. As a soldier I failed to keep my priorities straight, their well being being more important to me than any mission I receive.

As a lover, I have failed to give her all of my heart..

A loyal coward indeed.


End file.
